allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Randomize
