no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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