i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
