i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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