If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
