Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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