Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Too much gin, very little bucket
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
