I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
