i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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