I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
