Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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