You're my little dorito
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
