Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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