Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
