College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I understand Curling. That high.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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