I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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