i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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