Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
