Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I am one with the molecules
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize