Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize