omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
