So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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