is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
