i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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