When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
