Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
