He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
