Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
