***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
