He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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