Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
