think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
