Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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