I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Come share oat with me in your robe
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
