you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
