My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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