Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
