Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize