I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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