Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
