I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
