saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
