my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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