Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
