My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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