I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
