Pappa wants mamma naked
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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