i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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