so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
