It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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