I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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