Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
