this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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