The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
