:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
