at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
