apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
