you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize