If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
