Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
