We won't sleep together?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
