He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
