You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I need water and some morals
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
