you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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