I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
