to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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