I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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