yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
