oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
