I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
