worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
