I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
