omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
