Someone shit on the floor
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
