508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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