Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
